Spin Cycle

Laundry night.

First thing I would do if I won the lotto? Buy a washer and dryer.

It won’t be kids, marriage, owning a home or having a salary for me to feel I’ve made it. I just want a washer and dryer I can access without going out in public. Hermit-like laundry doing will be my happiness.

I’m a little bitter and punchy about laundry night because I just sat outside on the phone during the wash cycle, came in and realized I’d only pressed the preferred “Select cycle” button for two out of three washers.

Let’s tack on another 30 minutes to the day, just for funsies. Just for comedic effect. Let’s face it, just because you were short on blog fodder.

I was already wondering why detergent can be blue and not stain your clothes. How about if you let it sit on your white sheets for 30 minutes? Does that magic still work?

I dripped ketchup in my car the other day. Can someone forward Heinz the detergent recipe?

White sheets. What a solid idea that was. Because if my jeans aren’t dyeing them Gap 1969 denim blue during late-afternoon pre-bed naps (usually unintentional), the face makeup is killing them – and let’s “face” it, sometimes I crash face-down.

Don’t get me wrong, I certainly wash my face at the end of the night. But even a 6-out-of-7 night week and I’m seeing the Covergirl trail off the side of the bed that suggests 1) white sheets were a poor choice and 2) I sleep like an idiot.

At newly-dried first glance, it’s as I feared. They aren’t detergent blue but the washer left some “Just to mess with you, we messed up your sheets” gray water marks.

What you’re now witnessing is me in the middle of an identity crisis. Mark April 4, 2012 as the day Janae DeRusso not only gave a damn about her linens, but took it a step further and complained about them.

Deep breaths. This is what you should have expected the day you said “White everything! It’ll be just like sleeping on a cloud!”

Anyway. It’s 9PM on a work night, and as we know by now, these are the times the critical questions get asked.

Is there a maximum amount of times a pillowcase can shrink?

What is it about this song that makes me so happy?

When did coats replace hoodies as a wardrobe staple?

Why does my Klout score keep dropping – and why do I find it so darn devastating?

I’ve had this conversation multiple times in the last few days. Maybe even on here before. Klout is a score based on your impact through social media such as Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, WordPress, etc. It tells you topics you’re influential in, who you reach, etc. The average score of someone registered through Klout is a 20.

And in the past few weeks, inch-by-inch, I’ve watched mine drop. 58. 57. 56. 55. Influential to 1.4k people (Hah!). 1.3k. 1.2k. Your parents and boyfriend.

And you know, if all else failed, and my apartment went up in flames, and my coworkers decided I talk to myself too much, and the boyfriend realized you all like this blog not because I’m interesting but because I’m odd and the computers are a safe enough distance away to watch the weird situations I find myself in pan out…

I always thought I’d have my Klout to really understand me, and by that, I mean have me pegged as “influential” in creativity, social media, Syracuse, Albany, PR, money, travel & tourism, books – and the important things in life, cookies, coffee and cereal.

You know your life is an open book when a robot “gets” it.

I should probably worry less about upping my Klout and learn how to cook a casserole.

Coming soon.


2 thoughts on “Spin Cycle

  1. First of all, this is hilarious and I completely relate on so many levels, but not on any of the deep ones — (1) what I would give to go back and buy a brown couch, not a friggen beige couch that is already patterned with dog prints after 9 hours in the apartment; (2) how, by my 30th birthday, I want grown-up furniture, not flimsy IKEA shit that gets torn to shreds in the course of one move (no, I do not want babies OR a house OR even a car); (3) how I wish I could speak more than 5 words of German, mostly so I could read the cycle labels on our washer (the Deutsche words for “thank you,” “you’re welcome,” and “dog” are NOT helping). Good read as always.

  2. I would be signing the mortgage papers for my house and the warrantee papers for a new W/D on the same day. It would be pointless to have a W/D in my current living situation.
    I wonder these same questions most days.
    And if Britton and I ever move to NY (recent talks have been about Rochester) you’d be near the top of people I’d arrange to have coffee with 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s