The cast: Mom (of five children), Janae (22), Cassie (15), Jacob (13), Carly (11), Ella (5.5)
It started when we started predicting how many children we’d all have. Actually, it started when Cassie said she had a food baby. Then the predictions.
Cassie: I want at least four.
Janae: I’m going to have two.
Mom: Yes, two is good for you. One is good. You’re not stopping at one, though.
Janae: I hope it’s a boy and a girl. If not, two boys.
Mom: Have fun with your two girls.
Janae: They’re going to be really freaking girly.
Mom: They’re going to be twins. And really bratty.
Jacob: They’re going to watch Sixteen Candles everyday.
Mom: Okay, here are the predictions. 2 (Janae), 3 (Cassie)…
Cassie: I’m going to have four.
Mom: But she should really have 3. Then 3 (Jacob), 2 (Carly)… and Ella. Whatever Ella has.
Jacob: Thanksgivings are going to be awesome! 10 plus whatever Ella has.
Me: 17. She’ll have 17.
Mom: And they’ll all still be living at my house.
Ella: I know where babies come from. Your bottom.
Ella: There’s a hole.
Us: Factually, yes.
Mom: Would any of you adopt? (Ella is adopted)
Janae: His wife might.
Cassie: Carly is going to be the one who adopts her three kids from Africa.
Janae: I’d adopt. I’m pretty sure I can’t have kids. Gut feeling.
Mom: You… have… a feeling you’re barren? HAH! Sorry, I just wanted to use that word.
Cassie: I’d adopt. But I think I’m like Mom. Four kids and then my uterus explodes.
Mom: MY UTERUS DID NOT EXPLODE!
(Now exiting van onto silent neighborhood sidewalk)
Cassie: It has holes in it.
Mom: IT DID NOT HAVE HOLES IN IT! WE WILL CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION INSIDE.
Cassie: Well, it tore.
Mom: IT DID NOT TEAR! GET IN THE HOUSE!
Ella: I’m going to have three boys and a girl.
Us: Sounds right.
Carly, meekly: Why… does everyone always think I’m going to be the hippie of the family?
The rest of us: BAHAH!
Cassie: Because you’re gonna be. I can totally see it.
Jacob: I can totally see her.
Me: I can totally see her smoking pot.
Mom: Because you’re the nicest and most natural. And most loving.
Ella: OKAY. I’M A LOT HAVING BABIES.