Extras are Extra.

This menu made me laugh the other night. It could have been written completely innocently, but I’m tempted to believe it was written with the side-thought of “…Idiot.”

You want extra cream cheese on your bagel? It’s going to cost you extra. Extra cheese on your sandwich? Extra. Four scoops of chocolate chips in your ice cream? Extra.

I’ve worked at Brueggers, Jimmy Johns, Cold Stone. I’ve served the 5:30a.m. coffee crowd, the lunch and dinner crowd, the afternoon snack and dessert crowd, the drunk and snackish 2a.m. crowd.

Mom: "My faux-cha is better than your "faux-cha." faux-cha: water-based hot chocolate with a shot of espresso.

The worst part of the “I didn’t know getting more food was going to cost me extra” thought process was when customers at Jimmy would want to change their orders. I’d have to cancel their current order, print the receipt, staple it to the void papers left under the register, explaining to my manager in a line or two why (and feeling like I was getting in trouble in the process)… and then start the process over.

Minus the extra slices of cheese and $0.49.

Can't decide whether this is exciting or suggesting I have a long messy road ahead of me.

When I worked at Brueggers, my manager and I would trade stories of customers who’d be “concerned” enough to let us know we look tired. My manager would have gotten to work at 3:30a.m. that morning, make-up-less because… WHO CARES… Thanks sir for telling me I look like crap at noon. What time did you wake up?

I once got berated by an older gentleman for not knowing what I was doing at the register. Blasted for not being smart enough to work the register. Blasted for being uneducated and incompetent.

I hadn’t given him his senior citizen discount. Because my store didn’t offer one.

Tina always gave him it.

Tina had always just hit the tax-off button.

Tina had gotten fired the week before.

A few minutes after getting yelled at and about by this man, I was wiping down tables near him. I was tired – I’d been up since 5 after going to bed by midnight, full-time student and at the height of my extra-curricular involvement.

I sighed.

What’s wrong with you.

Oh nothing! I’m just tired.

Well you should put on a smile for your customer service, because that is what’s important. That should be your priority. You should get over your problems before getting to work. We should be your priority.

Ugh.

I have a huge amount of respect for people in customer who do their jobs with a smile, because it’s hard. People are rough.

I never want to be that crappy customer. So much so, Mike at In-N-Out today came to clear Erica’s and my tray – gosh let me at least put all the garbage in a pile and hand it six inches closer to you.

Except all I did was brush his hand.

“Aw, you trying to hold my hand there?” With a smile.

(blush) Nah. Just trying to clean up my mess of fries and “cheeseburger extra sauce” drippings.

"This candy changes with the weather. In cold, dry weather it will be quite crisp. In warm weather it will be soft. However, crisp or soft, this candy is fresh and tasty!" - - - Either way you eat this, it's going to be some acceptable version of stale. Just go with it. Trust us.

Dug this out of the vault. Had to go back about two-and-a-half years and three blogs for this.


Perspective

Did you know
Poppy seed bagel guy
Has come everyday for five years
Did you know
John who reads the newspaper
Is the smartest man youve ever met
Did you know
The chubby kid who always apologizes
Dreams of one day owning a brothel
Did you know
If you give three pickles everyday guy a fourth
He will throw the extra out
Do they know
The spare change cup
Won’t ever be our tip jar
Do they know
Every time they order tea
The splash burns my hand
Do they know
If they order hazelnut as Im brewing it
Temporarily there’s no hazelnut coffee
Do they know
My makeupless self at noon
Has been working since 6am
Would they know
When they talk down to me
I have an above average IQ
Would they know
The guy they talk down to
Is supporting five kids
Would they know
The girl they complain looks tired
Pulled an all-nighter for her law class
Could he know
Mr. Sausage Egg and Cheese everyday guy
I look forward to him dropping by
Could he know
Even though I’m weirded out by his food loyalty
I’m mildly attracted to him
Could she know
Mrs. half hot chocolate half decaf woman
Theres no stop button on the hot chocolate machine
Could she know
Her decaf order one day
Was mostly hot chocolate with a splash of regular
Do they know
How damn hard it is to put on plastic gloves fast
With pruney hands from the dishes
Do they know
When they make out in the corner
We all know she’s married
Do they know
Lightly toasted means the same as toasted
And very toasted has to take longer, no exceptions
Do they know
We know their order
But may forget and slice their bagels anyway
Do they know
No matter how many times they ask
The cream and sugar is do-it-yourself
Do they know
I let them get away with lunch punches
When a buttered bagel does not count
Do they know
Their breakfasts
Are part of a social experiment

Do you know
Free coffee or not
I want something more.

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2 thoughts on “Extras are Extra.

  1. I worked retail for 13 years, and understand the feeling. You can always tell the customers that have or do work with the general public, and those that don’t. The only thing worse than rude is rude and oblivious.

  2. I work in retail right now and I pride myself with being able to smile at the meanest people I’ve ever met. The only reason I am able to do this is by reciting song lyrics (usually showtunes) in the back of my brain and staring blankly. Look what our degrees have gotten us!

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