We’re Not That Worried Alert

Beep Beep Beep.

“Ma’am, please step aside, you’ve been selected for additional screening. Please wait over here” (gestures to nook 15 feet away).

Oh my gosh, this is kinda nerve-wracking. Me? Now? But my laptop is way over there… I mean, it’s probably random. Right? What could I possibly be hiding in my jeggings? Are they judging me because I’m wearing jeggings?

Am I going to get a super pat-down? Back massage-style? My lifetime dose of radiation? Should I strike a pose when I get through the x-ray machine?

“Hi ma’am. Please hold out your palms… No, the other way.”

Swab. Swab. It tickles. Scan.

“Ok you’re all set. Thank you for your patience.”

Wait… that’s it? I used to rub a napkin in my toddler sister’s palms to tickle her and make her giggle. I don’t feel more safe at all. That wasn’t invasive, or inappropriate, or MSNBC travel woes blog rant worthy whatsoever. I have an hour until my flight boards, I can hang around…

I hope there’s Wi-Fi on my plane again. Today’s e-mail subject lines: “What’s Up? I Am” and slightly more unsettling “I’m Over You.”

Popular for awhile now, still great.

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