Beep Beep Beep.
“Ma’am, please step aside, you’ve been selected for additional screening. Please wait over here” (gestures to nook 15 feet away).
Oh my gosh, this is kinda nerve-wracking. Me? Now? But my laptop is way over there… I mean, it’s probably random. Right? What could I possibly be hiding in my jeggings? Are they judging me because I’m wearing jeggings?
Am I going to get a super pat-down? Back massage-style? My lifetime dose of radiation? Should I strike a pose when I get through the x-ray machine?
“Hi ma’am. Please hold out your palms… No, the other way.”
Swab. Swab. It tickles. Scan.
“Ok you’re all set. Thank you for your patience.”
Wait… that’s it? I used to rub a napkin in my toddler sister’s palms to tickle her and make her giggle. I don’t feel more safe at all. That wasn’t invasive, or inappropriate, or MSNBC travel woes blog rant worthy whatsoever. I have an hour until my flight boards, I can hang around…
I hope there’s Wi-Fi on my plane again. Today’s e-mail subject lines: “What’s Up? I Am” and slightly more unsettling “I’m Over You.”